<img src="http://www.jameson245.com/cover21.jpg";> <P>Story 1:<P> JonBenét, Cancer-stricken Mom's Bombshell... I'M SORRY! <P> Patsy Ramsey has confessed that she regrets raising her daughter JonBenét to be a child beauty <BR> pageant princess - because that probably caused her death, say sources. <P> "She now sees it as a terrible mistake" says an insider close to the family. "In one moving family <BR> meeting, Patsy, 45, sobbed, "I'm sorry, so sorry." <P> Stricken once by cancer, Patsy is on a roller coaster battle for life - with her condition varying day <BR> by day. On April 30, she was separately unwell. Six days later, her condition had markedly improved. <P> But sources say each day is haunted by the belief that pushing JonBenét into pageants may have <BR> brought about her murder. <P> The former Miss West Virginia is now convinced that JonBenét's pageant performances may have <BR> caught the eye of a pedophile who broke into the Ramsey mansion and killed the adorable 6 year old. <BR> "At the time, she thought the kiddie beauty shows were all innocent fun, but now she often <BR> apologizes to JonBenét in her prayers, telling her "Im sorry, my darling" says the insider. <P> Tired and weak from her renewed battle against cancer, Patsy is continually reciting scriptures that she hopes will heal her. As<BR>she shuttles back and forth between her home in Atlanta and her medical facility in Maryland where is undergoing grueling<BR>chemotherapy treatments, she clings to the belief that one day she will see her daughter again to explain just what happened. <P> Early this year, Patsy - who successfully battled ovarian cancer in the Mid '90's )I would call it <BR> EARLY '90's) - was hit with the news she had dreaded. A routine check at the National Institute of <BR> Heath in Bethesda, MD., revealed new evidence of the disease. "Once again, she was plunged into a <BR> fight for life" says a source. "This time she knows that it will be even tougher to survive." <BR> <BR> During Patsy's first bout with cancer, JonBenét was a 3 year old tyke whose smile and spirit inspired <BR> her to endure the chemo ordeal that helped her beat it. But the stricken socialite now has only <BR> memories of her little girl, and friends say that she is weary of the struggle though still determined to <BR> pull through once again. She is currently enduring a regular and exhausting chemotherapy regimen. <P> One of her close friends, Sue Bennett, a North Carolina housewife who has a private Internet site that keeps up with the<BR>Ramsey cause, reported on April 30, that Patsy was not doing well and was "quiet weak." But after a fourth round of<BR>chemo,Bennett was more hopeful. On May 5 she reported "Patsy sounded great, she said she's having a really good day. The CT<BR>scan shows no cancer. Her prognosis is very, very good." <P> To encourage her in her fight, Bennett and Patsy's supporters sent a portrait of Christ By Thomas <BR> Kinkade, entitled Prince of Peace, To JonBenét's Mom just before Easter. <P> It carried an inscription from the Gospels, John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son." <P> <P> Patsy was tremendously moved by the gift and hung it on the wall of the bedroom where she sleeps while taking chemo<BR>treatments. She wrote on Bennett's site how affected she was by the gift when she returned to her home in Atlanta after a bout of<BR>Chemo. <P> "I was just home" she said, "and received the beautiful Kinkade print of the face of Jesus. It is one of the loveliest gifts I’ve<BR>ever received and the fact that it came from all the sweet people who supported us all these years makes it extra special" <P> "I'm keeping the face of Jesus before me and praying all the healing scriptures. I know God has a plan <BR> for all of this and I'm resting in that peace. Love to you, Patsy" <P> She asked for the names and addresses of all the people who contributed to the gift, so she could send a personal, handwritten<BR>thank you to each one. Normally, identities are keep confidential by Bennett. <P> For years, both Patsy and her former computer tycoon husband, John, 58, defended beauty pageants, even thought Patsy was<BR>often attacked over the elaborate costumes she chose for JonBenét and the flirty poses she encouraged. She even had the little<BR>pixie pose in a Las Vegas Shoe girl costume - almost identical to the one Patsy wore as a college student during her own beauty<BR>queen career. <P> When Patsy was first stricken by aggressive stage 4 ovarian cancer in 1992, she believe she would never see her daughter<BR>grow up. She explains that she wanted to fill JonBenét's life with memories of good times with her Mom. "I always worried that<BR>my cancer would return," she says "Mother daughter experiences were to be treasure for me. If God did take me before JonBenét<BR>grew up, I reasoned, I could leave her these memories" Now it seems different, pals say. Regret now weighs heavily on Patsy, <BR>says the insider. "She often says she will be soon with JonBenét. When that happens, she says that she'll tell her "Lets talk," and<BR>they'll play together like they used to. <P> Since JonBenét's horrific murder in 96, the Ramsey have been under a 'umbrella of suspicion'. But they have consistently<BR>denied any knowledge of the crime, in which JonBenét was battered, garrotted and sexually assaulted in her Boulder, Colorado<BR>home. <P> They have never been charged. <P> Andrew G. Hodges, M. D. a top forensic psychiatrist, tells GLOBE that Patsy's desire to write and thank her supporters is<BR>extremely significant. <P> Hodges, who has not treated Patsy, says she is actually seeking forgiveness for what she may have <BR> done to JonBenét. The expert consulted with investigators work on JonBenét's murder and wrote two <BR> books about the case, Including who will speak for JonBenét? He is a specialist in psycho linguistics, <BR> who delves in the deeper meaning of written and verbal communications, and identifies what the <BR> uncoiled mind is really saying. "Only Patsy knows what happened on the night in '96," he says. <P> "I believe that in her message to her supporters she is really saying that she is desperately sorry and <BR> seeks forgiveness. But her inner mind realizes that, according to her Christian code, there can be no <BR> forgiveness until she confesses." "Patsy's words about praying all the healing scriptures are a plea for <BR> mercy before she meets her maker. <BR> As the apostle John wrote in the gospels "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." She wants to be set free<BR>from this burden she has carried - her knowledge of what happened to JonBenet." <P> Despite Patsy's fight to conquer cancer once again, some friends fear that time may be running out. <BR> Dr. Herman Catlove, of the American Cancer Society, who has not treated Patsy, says recovering after ovarian cancer<BR>returns is very rare and improvement may simply indicated response to treatment, without lasting effect. <P> "There are days," adds the insider, "When Patsy just longs to see JonBenét Again" <P> -Dawna Kaufmann and Lynn Allsion <BR>